064. Raising Mini-Minimalists: How to Teach Kids the Art of Decluttering (So the Habit Actually Sticks)

Kids don’t learn “Stuff-Management 101” at school, yet the ability to sort, store, and let go of belongings is a genuine life skill. In today’s episode I’m sharing the 8 mindset shifts that turn kids into confident, clutter-busting pros, no matter how old they are.

In this episode you’ll learn:

• Why decluttering is literacy, not a chore – and how it strengthens executive-function skills such as planning and emotional regulation.
• The simple “Model Loudly” technique that shows kids how you make keep-toss decisions (and why narrating matters).
• How to ease all-or-nothing anxiety with  smart limits.
• Ways to respect different attachment levels—so sentimental rock-collectors and mini-Marie Kondos can thrive in the same household.
• The 5 Principles of Beautiful Living—and how linking each tidy-up to a bigger purpose helps habits stick for life.
• Fast, fun celebrations (donation field trips, before-and-after photos, family movie night) that make decluttering feel like a win, not a punishment.

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Transcript

Today we’re talking about how to pass the decluttering habit on to your kids—because nobody teaches “Stuff-Management 101” in school, and we don’t want our children growing up into stressed-out adults drowning in LEGOs and late Amazon returns, and still not feeling fulfilled by their stuff.

Hey, welcome to Organizing for Beautiful Living, the podcast for working moms and entrepreneur moms that provides sustainable organizing tips for your home, work and life.

I’m Zee Siman, Professional Organizer and Productivity Consultant, and I’m here to share simple ideas that don’t take a lot of time so you can love your home, excel at work, and have the time to enjoy both without stress or overwhelm. 

Ready to get beautifully organized? Let’s make it happen!

Throughout my kids’ elementary school years, I fought to keep the stuff they brought home from school from taking over the house. Actually, it wasn’t just the art projects, awards, stories and poems that they wrote, it was also playbills from plays we went to, pictures from photo booths, polaroids, notes and cards from their friends and family, programs from special events they attended, all those things.
So I set up these plastic totes, these bins with lids, and we all knew that if there was something that we wanted to keep, we could drop it into their bins. Each kid had their own bin.
Well, life is busy with kids, right, and so when one bin was full, I just closed it up, labeled it, and we got a new one, and we continued.
Of course, at some point, I realized that we now had multiple bins for each child, and storage space was tight. But more than that, by just dropping everything and anything into those bins, I was doing them a disservice. I was doing a disservice to my kids. I wasn’t teaching them how to make decisions about which things in those bins we should keep, and which were ok to let go of.
So when our eldest was in 6th grade, we had officially run out of space in their closets to keep these various bins. Our eldest had I think 5 or 6 bins full by then, and the other kids had about 3 each, too, already.
And so I decided it was time to not only declutter those bins, but also to put some guidelines in place about what we really wanted to keep in those bins.
I am a full believer in my CLEAR5 Framework for decluttering and organizing. It makes this entire process crystal clear in my mind.
And in this case, I clarified for myself that the things that we kept in these bins, they were going to be things that my kids would want to take with them when they had their own households. In other words, these were their bins, not mine and my husband’s. We had already kept the things, the memories we wanted, things like cards they made for us, special pictures we took of them, artwork they had made, which I framed and have hanging in our hallway. Those are the things we’re going to keep in our house or wherever we live, forever.
The bins, though, have to hold the things the kids will want. And as a parent, I don’t have all the answers to the question “What will they cherish from their childhoods as adults?” Right?
But it’s clear that we can’t keep everything from our children’s childhoods. And I actually don’t think it’s particularly healthy to keep every single thing. I do my best to decipher what I think is going to be special for them, especially because they may not have those early childhood memories anyway. Like, they’re probably not going to remember every single thing about the year they were 3, so holding on to every thing from that year isn’t useful, but maybe one special piece of artwork that just shows off their personality, or how they thought, or what they enjoyed -  that might be enough.
So those are the first two things to keep in mind as you approach decluttering with your kids: 
Number 1 is that they probably don’t know HOW to declutter, so you need to teach them how, 
and Number 2 is that you’ll need to make some decisions for them when it comes to stuff from their very very early years. 
But now I want to lay out 6 more thoughts to keep in mind as you pass on the skill of decluttering to your kids.
Number 3 is for you to understand, and to let your kids know over time, that decluttering is not a chore; instead, it’s a daily literacy like brushing your teeth or tying your shoes.
Research shows that kids who help manage their belongings, they gain executive-function skills. These are skills like planning, flexible thinking, and emotional regulation. These are what we call “life skills”.
Think about it this way: You’re not raising tiny housekeepers. You’re raising future adults who can thrive daily. Who aren’t caught up in their stuff, but instead are living well, ok?
The 4th thought to keep in mind is to Start Early and Model Loudly.
You’ll see somewhere between 2 and 4 years old usually when your kids can follow simple instructions. And at that point, there are some simple things you can show them that will make decluttering a part of their natural daily life.
Things like making their bed, which at that age, you totally lead and help them with every single day. You’re basically pulling up the sheets on one side of the bed, and they’re doing the same on the opposite side. Maybe show them how to plump their pillow, and you’re done. 
Where things get tricky is if you insist on keeping a bunch of decorative things on their bed, which complicates the whole bed-making process. When we keep it to just the basic bedding and a favorite stuffed animal or 2, we’re setting them up for success! But if we insist on decorative pillows, throw blankets, or multiple stuffed toys to arrange on that bed, it’s not easy anymore, and both they, and you, by the way, might want to quit because it’s too hard, or it takes too long.
But I should also say that it’s also never too late to start. The approach with a pre-teen is different than with a pre-schooler, of course, but what can help at any age is to  narrate your choices. That’s what I mean by Model Loudly. Let them hear your thought process! 
So, after playtime, whether the kids are 2 or 12 or 16, narrate a 1-minute toy or game clean-up, or electronics put-away. And while you’re at it, if you see something in that toy or electronics pile that you think it’s time to get rid of, say it out loud and do it right away. Like:
“Aren’t these charging cords for the old Wii that we don’t have anymore? Well, it’s time to get rid of these then.” 
Connecting tidying up and decluttering to one of the 5 principles of Beautiful Living also reinforces why we’re doing this in the first place. The 5 principles are to Live Light, Love Your Home, Connect Often, Work To Live Well, and Thrive Daily. So while we’re doing this micro-decluttering while we’re cleaning up the toys, I might say out loud, “It’s pretty cool that we love hanging out in our house and we’re making space to do that!” 
Because I want the kids to ultimately get that mess happens, but reclaiming a room in mere minutes is power. It’s loving your space.
Thought Number 5 to keep in mind is that kids have an all-or-nothing mentality, and so they might feel that one toy gone, one toy decluttered, means that their happiness is gone forever.
I have adult clients who struggle with the idea of impermanence, that our stuff doesn’t last forever, and we don’t keep things forever. It takes time to come to terms with this, but for kids, it’s doubly hard.
See, as adults, we have the ability to make purchasing and consumption choices. Kids often don’t have that power, and so decluttering something, letting go of an old toy, can be a life-altering move for them.
We can mitigate that, we can show them that impermanence is safe, that they don’t have to get rid of everything all at one time, and decision-making can be reversible, or an item can be replaced. That lowers their anxiety, and that’s what we want. Decluttering should make them feel unburdened, not unhappy.
It happens to me even now. My kids will be ready to get rid of a toy or a stuffed animal that I thought was beloved, but they’re ready to get rid of it, and I’m not!  Not quite. So they can remove it from their room, and I might keep it in my closet in a box at the top of my closet for a bit. But then, time passes, and either I still feel strongly that I want to keep that toy, at which point I’ll put it in my permanent keep box, or I’ll be ready to say goodbye to it. And I’ll show them where it is, and I’ll narrate my decision out loud. 
Thought Number 6 is to keep in mind that kids have different attachment levels to their things, and we need to respect that.
Some kids will keep sentimental rocks. Do your kids do that? Mine did! We have little stones from everywhere, and they remember where they’re from! Most of these rocks have names, by the way, yeah, and no way am I allowed to toss them outside. I gave each kid a plastic jar, though, and their rocks are kept there now, on their bookshelves, not scattered around the house.
I secretly think that at some point when they’re older, they might just get rid of all of them, but for now, those rocks hold the place of a memory, and it’s kind of sweet. The good news is that picking up rocks stopped by the time they were about 8, I think? So the collection isn’t growing. Having that limit of the one jar, though, would have been useful if they had continued to pick up rocks from everywhere the we went!
On the opposite end of the attachment spectrum, some kids might Marie Kondo their birthday gifts! They might pick up the toys they really love, and be ok with you just donating the rest! 
I learned over time that I don’t have to convince my kids to think the way I do. I realized that I became less attached to stuff than my kids were at one point, but when I gave them Limits as we do when we follow the CLEAR5 Framework, they were perfectly OK with that, and it gave them some amount of structure as they naturally decluttered daily. They didn’t have to choose the way I would choose, and I learned to be OK with that because we had these Limits in place. And if they were ever in danger of their stuff overflowing those limits, we’d look at it together, talk about what they could do, maybe other things they could take space from so that the anxiety went away. They didn’t have to make a choice that was way too hard for them as kids, at least, not yet.
A big bonus to showing your kids that they get to choose what they want to keep, within limits is that it teaches them empathy for their siblings, and then for others, because what might be an easy decision for them, maybe they’re perfectly fine with tossing the rocks, that might be completely different for their sibling. They will see that for their brother or sister, the rocks are really special, and that it’s ok for them to keep those. Everyone might find different things to be important to them.
OK, Thought Number 7 is to link decluttering to the 5 principles of Beautiful Living.
I mentioned this already. But making decluttering stick as a habit for your kids is easy if there’s a simple tie to why we declutter.
And it’s simple to do this if you embrace Beautiful Living. I mentioned the 5 principles earlier, and here’s a kid-friendly translation, and an example for each principle:
Live Light. For kids, a simple translation of this is less stuff equals more room to play. And an example of this in action is to swap 5 cheap party favors or McDonalds Happy Meal toys for one quality art set.
Love Your Home. The kid translation is something like “We keep it nice so friends feel comfy,” And an example could be a Friday afterschool friends day. We spend 5 minutes doing a quick tidy-up before the friends come over and everyone has space to play comfortably.
Connect Often. For kids, this means “Stuff doesn’t run our schedule. People do.” And in practice, what this could look like is putting your phones away when friends are over, and also tidying toys up before friends come so we’re focusing on our friends, not the stuff around us.
Work to Live Well. The kid translation for this might be “We do our work first and fast, or efficiently, so that then we can focus on fun.” An example is do your homework first, then take out the scooters around the neighborhood.
And Thrive Daily. For kids, this means, “A neat room equals a calm brain.” So in practice, an example could be ‘Hey, keep your reading nook nice and clear of clutter so you have a space to relax, have some alone time when you need it in a clear area.”

And Thought Number 8 is to make decluttering celebratory and social so that it’s also enjoyable.
You could have a Donation Field Trip. Bring the kids to the shelter or thrift store with you. Let them carry the box in, cause then they feel the impact.
You could take Before-and-After pictures of spaces they’re decluttering, like their t-shirt drawer. Like all of us, kids love to see progress. It gives them a dopamine hit.
And you could have a Family “Beautiful Living” Party. Something like a movie night on the family room floor after you’ve cleared of puzzle pieces, and you can have popcorn while you’re watching the movie!

OK so a quick recap, the 8 thoughts to keep in mind when you’re teaching your kids the art of decluttering so that the habits stick are:
You need to teach them how to declutter. They don’t inherently know this, or learn it from school.
You’ll need to make some decisions for them when it comes to stuff from their very early years, because at this young age, they may not be able to discern what could be important, or not.
Show your kids that decluttering is not a chore; instead, it’s a daily literacy like brushing your teeth or tying your shoes.
Start early and model loudly, narrate while you’re decluttering or doing chores together and muse out-loud how you’re making choices.
Mitigate kids’ all-or-nothing mentality by showing them that impermanence is safe and decisions can be reversed.
Respect every kid’s different attachment to their things.
Link decluttering to the 5 principles of Beautiful Living so that the habits stick because there’s a purpose to them. And 
Make decluttering celebratory and social so it’s something they enjoy.
Those 8 thoughts are not meant to be hard or complicated. In fact, they’re thoughts that simply are because they’re just part of your every day.
If narrating out loud feels weird to you, well I bet you did it when your kids were infants, right? “Whose little feet are these? Let’s get these socks on them!” Or to your pets if you have a pet. I’m constantly narrating to my dog now, things like “Oh my goodness, the fluff from this toy is just everywhere, isn’t it?? OK let’s stuff the fluff back into the sharkey!”
And with these 8 thoughts, decluttering isn’t a chore to be done, but it becomes just what is done as part of our day.
Thank you for being here with me today. If you’re not following the podcast yet, hit the Follow button so you don’t miss anything, and get on the waiting list for my free class coming up, “3 Steps to Painlessly Declutter Your Kitchen In Just a Weekend and So The Clutter Doesn’t Come Back!”. Go to fireflybridge.com/update. I’ll put that link in the show notes for you.

Have a beautifully organized week, I’m Zee, and I’ll see you on the next episode!